An Unexpected New Journey

Do you remember as a kid, back before it was all carseat this and seatbelt that? And you'd go on a long car trip and fall asleep in the car? And then with no warning the driver (probably dad) would take a sharp curve doing 50 mph and you would slide clear across the backseat. That was fun.

Well, sometimes life is like that.  Right now we find ourselves sliding across the backseat because we didn't see the curve coming.  The quick change of direction came about three weeks ago when I went to Eli's ARD/IEP meeting at his preschool.  At the end of the meeting, the teacher gave me a handy little sheet containing a checklist of all of the red flags that they were noticing in Eli that suggest he may have autism. Yes, looking back, I could see the signs, the red flags as they say.  But I also saw a hundred other things that made me ignore all of that.  I mean, that's a scary word!  And no one wants that for their child.  So every little obsession, every major meltdown, every little quirk, I dismissed as no big deal or something he'll outgrow once his verbal skills are better.

When I left that meeting that day, I burst into tears.  It was kind of a hard pill to swallow, even though there was a part of me that wondered.

But God is so faithful!  Within minutes of getting in the car, God gave me a verse on the radio station I was listening to.  It spoke of God repaying blessing for hardship and it meant a lot to me in that moment.  As I have thought more about that verse, though, in the days since, I have been overwhelmed by one thing: God has already blessed me beyond what I deserve.  He has given us so many good gifts!  He also reminded me in those tender moments that He created Eli perfectly, in His own image!  He has a plan for Eli's life and he loves him even more than I do.  Those thoughts bring such peace to this mama's heart.

This new label of autism doesn't change who Eli is, it just helps us to understand him better.  There was a time, when I was terrified of autism.  But it doesn't look quite as scary anymore.  It looks a lot more like a playful blue-eyed boy, who is obsessed with dinosaurs, loves to sing, and loves to cuddle with his mama.

So tonight, I stare at this pile of paperwork so that we can get our precious boy into see a developmental pediatrician and get a thorough evaluation and likely our official diagnosis.

This mound of paperwork is not for the faint of heart!  It's extensive.  

So that's where we are.  A quick change of direction, but still holding tight to our Father and trusting his plan for us, but more importantly trusting His plan and His love for our sweet Eli.