I have been doing some thinking this week and having to ask myself some tough questions. It all began simply and easily enough. I was thinking about friends that like to enjoy a glass of wine to unwind after a long day. I was thinking about what a slippery slope it is to have the mindset that "I've had a long, hard day and I NEED this ____." If a long day leads to a glass of wine, then a tough week may lead to binge drinking on Friday night. And, I hope we can all agree that that is a dangerous road to travel.
I began to feel slightly self-righteous, because unfortunately I identify a little too closely with the Pharisees.
But, thankfully the Lord loves me too much to let me stay in that place of self-righteousness. And he began to get my attention. My self-righteousness is grounded in what? The fact that I choose something else to fill an emotional hole? And I heard the still small voice ask me how many times I've chosen to eat ice cream/cookie/etc because it had been a hard day and I felt like I deserved it.
Boom. Conviction. Humbled.
We were made for more than that!
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Isn't that really what I'm seeking at the end of those days? At the end of those weeks? I just want rest! This whole mothering thing is way harder than I thought. There are a lot less carefree play-dates at the park and a lot more days in the trenches than I'd imagined back before kids. I'm tired! And quite honestly I feel like a parenting failure more times than I'd care to admit.
But I was not created to drown my feelings of self-pity and self-doubt in anything but Christ. I was made to find my rest in him alone.
So now that I know and now that I have had my eyes opened, am I ready to change? The hard part about repentance is that it isn't only about saying you're sorry, it's about living differently. It's about turning around and living in the freedom that only Christ can provide.
"So Christ has really set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law." Galations 5:1
3 comments:
I can totally relate to this post. I don't drink at all so I have had those sames thoughts about people who "need" a drink after a hard day. And yet I pretty much bake a dessert anytime I feel super stressed out. I gained 6 pounds after Caleb's tethered cord surgery! I guess I felt like I "needed" and "deserved" the junk food. :) I may not drink wine after a rough day but I'm happy to eat a candy bar or a cookie!!
I can totally relate to your post !! A nice cold coke or chocolate after we get the kiddos down, just because I need it is definitely my "glass of wine."
Parenting is definitely more of a challenge than I ever imagined, but I'm trying hard to embrace this season of life and enjoy every minute of it.
Thanks for sharing!!
Koleta
Love you and love the transparency of your blog! Hang in there sweet sis! Aren't you so thankful for His grace and mercy? You're a wonderful mommy by the way! :)
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