A month later

I've had a lot of blog posts in my head, some that even got started, but none that have actually come to fruition. I think I've realized that January puts me in a funk every year. It's just so cold! We never get to play outside. And this house is small and the children are loud. So blah. 

In keeping with that theme, I'm going to complain for a minute so I can get it all out there and out of my system. Life's not fair. We all know that. But here's the thing. This last month has brought me new reasons to hate autism and the fact that it's a part of our daily vocabulary. Kids with autism require so much attention and redirection and protection. It's exhausting. But here's the bonus that most people don't know about this disorder: kids with autism don't sleep well either. So not only do we get to be exhausted during the day, we get to wake up multiple times at night to put Eli back to bed. Now, before I start feeling too sorry for myself, I will say that for some kids this is every single night. For us, it's more cyclical. We go through a period of him sleeping all night (but always an early riser). And then we go through periods like this last week where we get up multiple times. Thursday night we were up for 2+ hours straight. He doesn't want to play or anything, he's just up. The scary part is that he is getting older and doesn't always come to our room first. One night this week, Ryan found him in the kitchen with the lights on. And this is the point where I train myself NOT to follow the "what if...?" line of thinking. So yeah, autism is a beating. And I'm not even going to talk about the massive meltdown at Target a couple of weeks ago. 

However, there are so many sweet moments that make it easier to forget the bad. Like hearing him pray every night at dinner, "Thank you for this Jesus. And thank you for this Jesus. And thank you for this Jesus. Amen."

Or the way he tells us all "Merry Christmas!" when he gets really happy.  It's much more of a feeling than a season. I love that about him.

Or the way he demands that I come play dinosaurs with him and then does this

He just wants my presence. 

I'll gladly take recommendations for concealing under eye circles! Because I'm guessing I'm not going to be less tired anytime soon. 

But I wouldn't trade that little boy for all of the rest in the world! He had my heart.