Everything Changed, But Nothing Is New

Today we got the official news of what we have known for four months now.  I'm not sure it was much easier to hear this time than it was on May 3rd.  Eli was officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders- Level 2.  That's fancy talk for he isn't severely autistic, but he still needs a lot of practice before he is considered high functioning.  If you had asked me this morning, I would have predicted that this would be the diagnosis he would receive.  We listened for an hour and a half about how he scored on all of those tests, and we listened to all the things we should do next.  When we left, our heads were spinning.  It was a lot of information.  All very technical.

But here's the thing.  As I process it all, I can't help but be overwhelmed by one glorious thought.  No matter what a group of experts and diagnosticians tell me about my precious son, there is one thing that I hear above all the noise.  And that is the voice of Eli's Creator whispering to me, "I have a plan for Eli!"

My entire pregnancy with him was a big spiritual battle for me personally.  I spent lots of hours praying and reading and studying and generally trying to lay down my own plans for this life and trusting that God's plans were bigger than what I could see.  I cried through every single session of Beth Moore's study Believing God.  God taught me so much about trusting Him during that season.

The day of Eli's birth was a very spiritual experience for me.  I prayed so much through his labor and even his delivery when the doctor told me that she needed me to push like I'd never pushed before because he needed to come out soon.  I told several people that I felt like God was fully focused on me that day.  I couldn't really explain it, just something I felt.

When Eli was still little bitty, I always felt like God had big plans for him.  I don't remember when the feeling first started, but again, just something I felt.  Well, this morning I woke up thinking about the verse from Psalm 139 that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  I was actually thinking about it for Eva and wrote it out for her and prayed that verse for her today.  But as my morning went on, and I was thinking about what our day held, God reminded me that Eli was also fearfully and wonderfully made.  And He has a purpose for Eli's life.  He wouldn't have given Eli to us if there were no purpose for his life.

I was telling Ryan about that on the way to our doctor's appointment and he said that he had also woken up thinking about a verse from Psalm 139 that talks about God creating us in our mother's womb.

Such a good reminder that God is bigger than whatever deficits autism wants to throw at us.  So at the end of the day, we trust that God loves Eli more than we do.  He sees the big picture.  And he knows how he wants to use this precious child.

As we were walking out of the doctor's office today Ryan said, "I feel like we got life-changing news that we already knew."  That just about sums it up.  We feel different, but really nothing has changed.  Last week we would tell people, "We think our son may have autism."  But now it's official.  And we are okay with it. We really are hopeful that this will only help Eli get the services he needs to help him succeed.  And we hope that it helps other people to understand him better.

So, if you have questions, feel free to ask.