My crash course

Have you ever felt that God is teaching you so many things at one time that you can barely keep up?  I can honestly say that I've never felt that way in all my life... until the last 2 months, that is.  I actually told God the other day, "I'm not sure I can keep up with all you're showing me!"  It's been a crash course to say the least.  Over the last 24 hours, I've had a lot of things come together for me that I feel like I'm starting to get it.  I'll never fully get it, but the closer my thoughts, plans, and focus align with that of Christ, the better off I am.

The first thing that I'm learning in my crash course is to believe God.  Believe that He is the same God who created this world, heals the sick, conquered death through his Son Jesus.  Believe that He is good and that he is faithful and that even when life circumstances don't make sense to me, His character does not change.  I've prayed a lot of things over the last few months, some have been answered and some have not yet.  I'm learning to be okay with that.  To trust that His timing and his plan are perfect... because He is perfect!  I read the other day, "Sometimes God may prioritize the faith required to continue trusting Him when we don't get what we ask for over the faith required to receive it."  When I read that, I could almost hear God say, "Do you still trust that I'm going to take care of you?"  We've prayed for a solid 6 months now that God would sell our house.  It hasn't happened yet, and I must confess that there have been times that I've sat down, gotten mad, and thought I guess he's not going to sell it.  We're gonna have to think of something.  These moments haven't lasted for long because I have been empowering myself with scripture memory to remind me of God's character.  

The first one I memorized this year is Joshua 23:14- "You know with all your heart and soul that not one of the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed.  Every promise has been fulfilled, not one has failed."  I have had to say this to myself over and over and over again to remind me that God did not lead us to Kansas City (our desert, if you will) to forget about us.  I believe that He is and will continue to reward that act of obedience even if it's not in my timing.

The second thing that I'm learning is how to be content.  I shared about this recently and the verse that God used to show me that contentment must be learned (Phil 4:11).  The way that I'm learning this is by gradually adjusting my perspective on my circumstances.  I have complained about this apartment at least 1,000 times since moving into it.  And I have told God that he had to get me out of here.  He has ever so gently reminded me that he does have to do anything because I said so and that His actions are a result of HIS will.  Over and over again, God has reminded me that we really are blessed to have this apartment.  All over the world there are much larger families sharing much smaller spaces than this.  Slowly, my perspective is matching a little closer to His perspective.  (I still have a very long way to go.)

The last thing that I'm learning in this crash course is surrender.  I had not realized until yesterday, but I have spent the last 6 months thinking that us packing up and moving to KC was our one noble act of obedience.  It was only the start.  I still have quite the strong will that the Lord wants to be surrendered to him.  I'll be honest, all of these "learning objectives" have resulted in many tears on my behalf, but probably none has resulted in more than me surrendering my will.  There are so many things that I want or don't want (want to move out of this apartment... don't want to have to go back to work)  that I'm slowly having to surrender.  It has caused much heartache.  But when, I am able to realign my perspective, I know that He is not going to ask me to do/not do anything without having a bigger purpose behind it.  Even Paul had to bear things that he did not want to bear (2 Cor. 12:7-10).  But God allowed this "thorn" to continue in order to bring about a greater purpose in Paul.  Don't get me wrong, I am in no way comparing myself to Paul... it's just another passage the Lord is using to teach me. Yesterday, I finally surrendered my "will" to move out of this apartment at all cost.  (There were many tears.)  And came to the conclusion that if our little boy is born while we still live in this apartment, all will be okay.  We'll put a bassinet by our bar, maybe and we'll throw a few clothes into Eva's dresser.  It will not be ideal circumstances, but we'll be okay.  (See that's surrender, contentment, and believing/trust all wrapped into one! :) )

Before this turns into a 10 chapter novel,  I will update you and tell you that the couple who saw our house on Saturday thought it was too small.  Bummer.  And I have a job interview on Friday morning.  I'm not happy about either of these things, but I'm trusting that God has a purpose here, too.  I would obviously greatly covet your prayers as I continue through this crash course of learning.  If this job is offered to me on Friday (and we decide that I should take it), I will certainly cry many more tears over having someone else get the joy and privilege of caring for my child/children.  Working outside of the home will never feel right to me while I have young children... but that's a post for another day.  

I hope this in some way encouraged you to believe Him, be content in Him, and/or surrender to Him.   Thanks for being such a great outlet for my thoughts!